I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize