i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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