remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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