Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
