I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
