Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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