I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.