Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz