you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again