i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
