We won't sleep together?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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