So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
