I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
