We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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