I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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