i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
