i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
