im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
two words...techno handjob
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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