all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found your dick twin last night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
