Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
