I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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