Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
