all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
