We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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