We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
