dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
