Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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