just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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