I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
