As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
from now on my penis is your penis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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