STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
