She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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