i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
