Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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