Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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