my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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