Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Couch. On fire.
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