then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
