you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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