take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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