If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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