It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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