my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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