i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
