It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You smell like a Billy Joel song
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
