this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
