I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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