he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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