I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
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So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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