So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
