Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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