I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
