By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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