then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
