sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
