She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm going to jail i love you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
