So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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