Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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