Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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