seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
