I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
