It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
