So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
