i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
