So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
